Me. At least after what I've been through.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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