im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
