I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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