when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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