so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
