There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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