Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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