someone owes me an orgasm
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
