so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
