So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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