she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
