Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
