I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i out mim tonsoeep
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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