It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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