i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Boobs are out for the taking
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
