i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
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you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize