4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
