people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
