it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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