there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize