I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize