Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
