If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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