I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
