She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
