I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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