I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
