you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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