sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
