life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Boobs are out for the taking
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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