Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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