Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
