At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
