How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize