He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
