I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
