apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
