loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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