I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
