also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Boobs speak an international language.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
