but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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