i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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