shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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