do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
