we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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