I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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