At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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