My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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