I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
