and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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