I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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