Kiss
Puke
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
