I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
