I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
this hospital has no fireball
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
