I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
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We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
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Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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