the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
