i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
