I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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