i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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