well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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