my soul wont recognize me after tonight
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
