I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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